A Mother's Pride

Yesterday was one of those days when I had this huge surge of pride for my son, Tristan. I had to take him to school because he had a large project made with toothpicks and marshmallows to carry in. We saw the students at the bus stop as we passed by and Faith made a comment about them being Tristan's friends. He said he was friends with some of them. Faith said something like you need to make friends with all of them. Tristan came back and said some of them were the "popular" kids. So, my interest really peaked at this point and I asked him why he didn't want to be friends with these "popular" kids. He said they would have a negative influence. Wow! I immediately told him what a smart choice he was making to stay away from kids that he considered negative influences. So, that's not the end of my day full of pride for my son. We went to his Spring Band Concert. He plays the clarinet and has since about 4th grade. I didn't know it, but as the band was playing their 3rd piece of music, I heard a clarinet playing solo. I couldn't see Tristan but the top of his head and so looked at all the other clarinet players trying to see who it was. I finally looked over at Nathan and he mouths to me, "it's him". Wow, AGAIN! He was playing so well and it was a lengthy solo, too. Then to make my day of pride complete, Tristan brings me his grade check sheet they for me to sign. This is something the students have to do every few weeks where they check what their grades are on-line, write them all down and the parents have to sign it. Well, he's doing it again! Straight A's for another quarter of work. This kid is making me so darn proud. He is just becoming a super awesome young man and I am so thankful to God for helping us guide him and blessing us with him. I love you Tristan!

DISCOVERING YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE AND OTHERS LOVE LANGUAGES

I have been re-reading the book God Speaks YOur Love Language by Gary Chapman and had such a pivital moment yesterday. I was at the YMCA at the pool. My daughter was swimming and I brought the book to read. I started going through the chapter that has the 5 love languages briefly described. I had been thinking my hubbie was Acts of Service but I got it wrong. He is quality time. The first thing it says is Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. I must have missed that the first time I read it or maybe it was because literally my hubbie said I just want you to give me your attention recently but now I know what he is. I also looked carefully at the other love languages. My daugher is quality time too! She was yelling at me from the pool to watch her and I realized she so just wants my undivided attention too. Now, I am not talking like every waking moment has to be given to them but when they are asking for it, that is when I really have to step up and give them the attention so they feel I do love them. I already discussed this with my sister and mom on our trip when I bought this book and we figured them out. Mom is gifts and Susan is quality time too. I think my Dad and Mary are both acts of service because they seem to do best only when you are in a crisis and need help. They are all over helping you but all that in between time I am not feeling the love. I am wondering about how you can do acts of service when you have live so far away from each other? That is something I will have to figure out so that they know that I love them. I want to be able to speak their love language. Mom already determined she thought Lyle is Physical Touch and I think Tristan is that too. He is such a hugger. Loves to give hugs. Now that he's a teenager I will have to find other ways of physical touch like high fives and pats on the back. You know how teenagers can get with hugging. I also came up with some questions that we probably ask God. Here's what I came up with for each love language:
Words of Affirmation: I can't hear you God. What are you trying to tell me?
Quaility Time: Where is God when I need him?
Gifts: What has God given me?
Acts of Service: What has God done for me?
Physcial Touch: Are you with me God?
Just some things we may be saying to ourselves when we aren't feeling God in our lives. I am Words of Affirmation so I know now that I feel God most when I am reading the bible, listening to a sermon and singing a worship song. I have to continue this later but had to get some of this out...

Love and Need

I had a conversation just the other day that came upon the concept that when people whose primary love language is acts of service, you are more likely to feel the from them when you are in a time of need. I think that the distance from our family contributes to a problem for those with acts of service as their primary love language. It's hard to do anything from 3 states away but the real core of the problem is that what's going on and our needs have to be communicated. They can't read our minds and know we need them. We have to say something, ask for help. I have a need for childcare this summer to offset the expensive childcare I have lined up already. I wanted to save a few hunderd dollars and decided it wouldn't hurt to ask my mom to come out for 2 weeks at the end of summer. So, I guess my point is that if you aren't feeling the love from a certain family member, talk to them about what you need even if it's could you just pray for me this coming week. Right now I need prayers for my big toe that is still hurting, my attitude to be positive at work, my communication with my husband to be the best it's ever been and that my husband and chidren know each and every day that I love them and God loves them. Is there something you need that I can help you with?

How God is portrayed on TV

My book reading has been very slow the last several days. Just a lot going on with the kids and stuff but one thing that has stayed with me that Gary Chapman said in his book is we should treat everyone like they are our friends. It makes sense because we seem to treat our friends the best and give our close family the brunt of our frustrations, anger, etc. The next two keys of giving authentic love are forgiveness and courtesy. Both of these seem to be more natural for me and not as much conscious effort needed to be that way. Okay, so let me get onto what I really want to talk about. I watched a show the other day on TV and was so frustrated and angry with how they portrayed God. In the show a lady was suddenly very happy after years of therapy that did not good and she said it was because she found God. It turns out she has a brain tumor and initially decides against doing the surgery because she would rather live out whatever days she will have left happy but the doctor who does not believe in God convinces her to do the surgery. One of the things she says is that any God that would allow you to go through this horrible kind of death is not a loving God or something to that effect. Well, that just ticked me off! Unfortunately, if you have never studied the bible and listened to sermons at church you really don't know what God is all about. He certainly isn't an unloving God that would just allow you to die of a brain tumor. I believe many people feel that God doesn't love them because he these bad things happen to people but the truth is God made us in his image because he wanted to love us not. If you think about it this way, a human father can love his dog but the love he has for his daughter is that much greater because she is a part of him. So that how it is for God. We are his children and we are a part of him. But when Adam and Eve committed that first sin, what they were doing was saying to God I don't need you, I can do this on my own. But God knew before it even happened what we would do because he made us this way. So, now we live in a world with sin instead of the perfect world in the garden of eden that God initially created for us. Yes, bad things happen in this world and people die horrible deaths or live with pain or heartache but it is the world we created not God. If we all acknowledged our need for him and his love, our garden of eden would be here. God loves us so much that he gave his only son and watched him die a horrible death on the cross so that our sins could be atoned for. Believing in Jesus is God's way of bringing us back to him. When we believe the slate of sin is wiped clean and we are once again right with God. Anyways, I could go on and on but I have to get ready for church and go give thanks to my God and my Savior for loving me and caring enough about me to get me to turn and look at who they are. I am forever grateful not matter the turmoil in my life it took me to get there. God can change who you are! Don't fall into the trap that TV sets up. Look at the bible for yourself and find the truth.

Kindness can be done with Focus

Well, writing down all the kindness I saw and did didn't happen. I started off really good and thought I could just keep it all in my head. Do you know how hard it is to write down something everything you see it? Not going to happen but I did have kindness in the forethoughts of my mind all day and did a few things I wouldn't have done otherwise or may have just let the opportunities pass. The one that I was giddy over was actually helping my hubbie by prepping dinner for him a bit. It was as simple as getting out the box, reading the instructions and getting a pot of water ready for the evening to boil and the colander out in the sink. Not much but I was thrilled with myself and it felt SO good to do something for him and he noticed! It is all about the little things! I have realized how I have really had so many opportunities throughout our marriage and I have made excuses for not doing them. For example, for years he wanted me to hang his shirts in a particular way. I was so annoyed by it and always thought what difference does it make. Well, he now does our laundry so I don't have that chore to deal with but I realize I could have done it how he asked and been showing him that I love him by that simple act of doing something the way he really wanted it done. It really is all about the little things. So, I wonder what other little things I can do today to help someone and make them feel loved and cared for?

Love is what it is all about

I have made it through the first 3 chapters. The first 3 keys to having a good foundation to give authentic love. The first two totally reminded me of the verse from 1Corinthinans 13: 4-7 in the bible that most people have heard at one point or another usually at a wedding service. I decided to make it my memory verse for the month. I started memorizing verses again but doing it differently this time. Instead of printing the verse out a number of times and post all over the house, I write it down in a special spot for it in my planner that I designed. I think the act of writing down everyday helps memorize it a lot more. So, here's the verse for anyone that hasn't heard it:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, is is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Those first two are 2 of the keys, patience and kindness. In reading these chapters, I realize how very much I have to work on. I have patience but not all the time and kindness has a lot to do with doing something which I have found to be a thing I don't just do naturally. I often think too much instead of just doing and in the end I end up not doing anything. So, much to work on but as Gary Chapman puts in we are all in progress and have to have that kind of attitude with ourselves and each other. So, my goal today is kindness. I am going to write down all the acts of kindness I experience and do today as an exercise in helping me be more aware of it. Thanks to God for Gary and his writing and wisdom in helping all of us be better at loving.

Another Sleepless Night

This inevitably happens every month at a certain point in my cycle. I just can't sleep. My mind just won't shut off. Faith and I made our monthly trip to the library yesterday and I had to look and see what other books Gary Chapman has. I picked up one about the 7 keys to love. It's an expansion on his love language concept with these keys which from what I have read so far are the foundations of giving authentic love. I will be delving into it more and let you know what I discover. Sadly, we had to take our youngest cat, Streak, back to the adoption agency we got her from today. We broke the news that Streak was going to be going to a new home to Faith a couple of days ago and Streak has been locked up in the bathroom ever since. I came home from Las Vegas and my whole house just stank of cat urine. Thankfully, I don't believe she actually pee'd on the main floor but the recent rains have made the moisture in the basement increase and the smell comes back. We had hope we had gotten rid of it. Unfortunately, Streak as the vet put it, is a very fastidious cat. She likes her cat liter super clean. I do the best I can but we just couldn't let our house be run by this cat any longer. I think she will be happier in a home without other cats. It's been a sad day but we are going to pray that God will protect her and find her just the right home. I am going to do an act of service now and pretend to be a "Pet adopter" for my daughter and her friend, than I will read a little more, have some wine, make dinner, eat my yummy poundcake that is baking as I write and God willing fall asleep easily tonight!

Song in my Head

So Words of Affirmation is my love language and I am discovering all the aspects of how this kind of language works for me. One of those ways, is through music. I think most people enjoy music and even have favorite songs and artitist but for those of us that have Words of Affirmation as their primary love language music and the words in the music can penetrate deeply into our hearts on a very emotional level. I have been thinking about putting some of these song lyrics that really speak to me into a format I love, scrapbooking. I have done scrapbook pages on sermons so I thought, why not do one on a song that is really capturing my heart. I have had this song recently stuck in my head. I wake up in the middle of the night and find myself singing the words in my head. The song is by Mike's Chair? This is the first song I have heard from them so I don't know if it's a new music group but I can't get the song out of my head. Here's a bit of the words: Like a ranging sea, right in front of me, it will pull me in, bring me to my knees, let the waters rise, if you want them to, I will follow you, I will follow you. Singing this song and these words is a way of me loving God. I will, of course, have to get on iTunes and buy the song! So, do you have a song that keeps playing over and over in your head?