Transformed by Trouble

This chapter in a Purpose Driven Life is really getting to me as I am in a time of trouble. I have had hormonal imbalance issues for a few years now. About 2 years ago I started the biodentical hormone treatment with my OB and last year made the move to a more versed doctor in biodentical hormones but alas my hormones are still changing. They have told me I have one foot in the door of menapaus and one still back in permimenapause. It definitely has changed in this last year as my peroids have almost been non-exsistent and I think they may actually go away completely if I didn't take the hormones I do take. The problem is the balance of what I am taking and what might body may or may not be producing is working. I have gone back to getting headaches, naseau and mood swings and throw in some other lesser known symptoms like gum issues, joint pain and bladder control. It's just been a roller coaster ride and I want to get off this roller coaster. It's been a total excuse of mine for so long now and I am so wanting to feel normal again with a clear mind and no more negative thinking and some of those really negative thoughts and images my imagination is producing. So this chapter is about looking beyond your trouble to the end result which is an eternity with Christ in heaven. Okay, I have actually been really ready for that to happen at some times lately. I have never been so negative in all my life. So, I want to do what this chapter is saying by looking to Christ and the light at the end of this dark tunnel I am in. Everything it says is for God's purpose, yes, even and most especially the troubles we face. I have been facing this for so long now and so I am asking you Lord, what are you trying to teach me in this? Patience? I would have more if my hormones were regulated! Okay, that is the hormones talking. I am to the point that maybe I need to trust God with this and just go off the hormone supplements and maybe get a blood work up done in a couple months after being off hormones to see exactly what my body is doing by itself? It doesn't sound very pleasant but than again it hasn't been pleasant anyways. Am I up for it getting possibly worse? Ugh. I just don't know what to do? I am asking you Lord to help guide me and tell me the course I should take. I want to trust in you completely and let you be my healer. As it says in this chapter, When you have been refined by trials, people can see Jesus' reflection in you. I want to be a reflection of Jesus. Lord, help me to get through this trial and be refind.

So much to learn!!

I read the next part in my Beth Moore bible study this morning. It was about not letting false prophets in and how we are to be not trying to win the approval of men but of God. The key to avoiding falling for any false prophets is to not be ingnorant. Get in your bible and read, read, read. The more you are soaking up the "truth" the less likely you will be prey to any evil trying to turn you towards something else or the more subtle ones that will try to plant seeds of doubt. Know the truth! The last part has had me wondering all morning. From Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Okay, this is a major motivation check. Are the things I do motivated to serve God or to please my friends, family, co-workers? I know that I do like the attention I get when I am within a group of people and I don't feel a part of it or connected if I am not the center of attention. Wow, I am going to have to let that go. It's not about ME!!! How do I get that through my thick skull! At this point, I think I just have to try everything I can to keep my focus on the Lord and pray, pray, pray. I am sure with time and patience God will get through my thick skull and help me to be more like Christ. My lunch break is over but I have more to write. I read Transformed by Trouble in A Purpose Driven Life. Wow, I have re-read that chapter like 4 times already. It has got some serious stuff in there. I will be back tomorrow and get with you more on this chapter. Until tomorrow...

It always seems to come back to love.

My mind has been in a funk that last few days. Being away from home takes me away from my routine and my own things. Everything gets thrown off and when you are not prepared fully for this it just makes life one big ball of negativity. I have been stuck in the pit of negativity for too many days. I know my hormones play alot into it but I am tired of using that excuse. I want to get out of it and get back to the real me. So, it feels good to wake up and get into my bible and bible study and have a somewhat clearer mind. I know I already read chapter two in my bible study but never got around to thinking enough on it and getting up on here to write anything. So, maybe it was good to read it again. This first part I have read again is about the 4 reasons why Christ died for us. 1. to rescue us from evil 2. because it was his Father's will 3. to bring us to His Father 4. because he loves us. I looked at these four reasons and thought the one reason that really binds them all together is Jesus loves his Father. I think once again God is showing me how love is the key to it all. Love for Him. If we are truly loving him, we are obeying Him and loving others as he loves them. After being around family and circumstances I am not liking its kind of pathetic how I demonstrate my love for our Father. I clearly have room for improvement. I have been so judgemental lately and that is definitely not the real me. I have been sucked in by my hormonal issues to the point of awfulness. I don't want to be the judge. I want to be like Jesus and love, love, love like the song. So, again I am so thankful to God for his Grace because I am sorely in need of it and I am also thankful for his guidance in leading me back on the path of growth and love. I am also thankful for my family despite all our faults and issues I am grateful for each and everyone of them. I pray for a positive day and that I can begin to let the love shine.

Gratitude x 3

Yesterday was a tough day for me. Starting about 7:30am I was feeling nasuea all day long. It's a hormonal thing. What else? I had a really hard time focusing on my work and tried to read my bible but finally stopped because I knew it wasn't sinking in at all. I just felt too awful. So, I am thankful for days when I am hormonal imbalance symtom free. Yes, I do have them from time to time or at least for the most part it feels like it. I am also thankful for the essential oils that I got back towards the beginning of this year, I think. The peppermint was great when I was getting my migraines. Yesterday, I googled about naseua and menapause and it was suggested to try peppermint or chamomile tea and that got me thinking about my essential oils. Turns out I have one called Digesten which is a combo of peppermint, ginger, etc. that is to help with digestive issues including nasuea. I rubbed some on my tummy and I did start feeling better. It's no cure but I am thankful for something to help me cope with this nasuea. I am also thankful to God for just being with me and helping me along on through these tough times with my health. I know things could be so much worse and have to stay positive in the face of it all.

Worrying too much about what other people think!

The second chapter in my bible study is about not seeking the approval of man. Gal 1:10. I think part of my confidence issue is that I worry too much of what others think of me. It's not like I am constantly wondering what people think but I do know that it comes up in my brain a little too often. So, how do I stop this worry talk in my head. I make the choice each day to not let what others may or may not think influence me in any way. The only one that matters is God. I have to ask myself throughout each day Am I doing or saying this for God? I will have to make it a goal to say this to myself everyday and hear myself answering back with honesty yes I am doing or saying this for God not because it would make me look better or smarter or nicer or whatever anyone else might think. What others think of me does not matter. God is my one and only judge and the only one I need to hold myself accountable to. This will be more critical in those times where I am around lots of people like at a family function or at a networking dinner meeting. The goal is not to make myself look good to these people but to show them what God is and can do for them in their lives. I think I am going to make scrapbook page about this one that I can put on my wall to help remind me of my goal and that it's only about God, not me, not others, God. I do fear this will be a tough one to conquer as I think I have worried too much for so long about what others think and the truth is if I really knew what people thought of me maybe I wouldn't worry about it. I have had glimpes of that throughout my life of what other really thought of me and I should be happy and proud of myself and also grateful to God for blessing me with good looks and a passionate heart. Always a work in progress.

Forgiveness within Community

Our church has been doing a series of sermons on Community this fall. It's been a very good series in learning how we should be with one another. Today was specifically about forgiveness within our community. I found myself thinking I am not really as good at forgiving as I was giving myself credit to be. There really is always room for growth. It was said that we really do have to look at the little things. The pastor gave a few examples of how with words just one letter difference in a word can completely change its meaning as in Wandering the Desert vs. Wandering the Dessert. So, little things can make a big difference. I think its the little things that I have not been so forgiving about like the slow driver on I-25 doing 55 mph in a 75mph zone. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhnoying!But if I am to grow with my forgiving I have to let got of those little things and work on it being completely who I am. Freely given, unceasing and untiring forgiveness for everyone. I really like the scripture that was used for this sermon. Colossians 3:12-17 I especially like the clothing ourselves part as I thought I could put this into action by thinking of each item of clothing I put on each day as part of the virtues of a forgiving Christian. So, my shirt can be compassion, my pants kindness, humility, my underwear, my gentleness the next layer over my shirt like a vest or jacket and patience can be my socks and shoes. My jewelry can be the love that binds these all together. So, I will type this scripture up and put it in my closet so I can pray each day as I dress about clothing myself as one of God's chosen.

Thoughts on the Parable of the Lost Son

I have heard this story of the lost son who returns home to his father after squandering all the money given to him. As I started to read it I felt like okay I have heard this before and I didn't think anything was going to pop out at me but God is good and something did pop out. I started reading about the other son who had stayed home, obeyed his father and had been living a good life but he became all envious of his lost brother because his father was treating him so well and celebrating because of his return. My first thought was this guy didn't appreciate what he had been given all along and my second thought was he was being judgemental about his brother he hadn't even talked with yet. It occurred to me that when I became a Christian God must have been rejoicing just like this father over his lost son but now that it's been 9 years since I fully accepted Christ into my life that I am now in the position of the son who has been around. My question to myself is how well am I doing when it comes to appreciating all that God has given me and continues to provide me with and how judgemental am I when it comes to seeing other people recieving all the attention and celebration? How many times has the phrase come up during bible study or reading, "it's not about me". God wants us to change our self-centered ways and be focused on him and other people. When we are focused on others than we are doing and loving God. So my new action items will be to write at least 3 things I am thankful for in my journaling and to pray everyday to put my focus on others and God.
1. I am thankful for the gift of dicernment that the Holy Spirit is giving me to help me grow more in my faith and relationship with the Lord.
2. I am thankful for my God who is always faithful in providing for me.
3. I am thankful for my husband who listens and supports me and makes me feel special and loved.
Lord, today is about you and all those whom I come into contact with today. Let me be focused on them and be loving, kind, gentle, a good listener and give me the words and actions that may help bring any lost sheep closer to finding their home with you. Amen.

Influence

So, I got my bible memory verse written on a post it and stuck it to my bathroom mirror. The act of doing that put a smile on my face. Nice! So, I went looking for a bible study by Beth Moore given to me by a dear lady from my church who came to visit me when I was in the hospital before Faith was born over 7 years ago. It's called Living Beyond Yourself-Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit. I have written in it so started it but never got through it all. So, I began it again this morning. I only got through the first two pages and decided that was enough to ponder. I have to take what I am given in smaller doses so that I can fully reflect on it and be able to find a way to put it into practice in my own life. So, the word that came out in these first two pages is INFLUENCE. She talks about about how women have a lot of influence throughout history starting with Eve and how there's a fine line between influence and manipulation. I think we can have influence in quiet and gentle ways by just being who we are in Christ and demonstrating to others who Christ is by how we are and how we are living. I have to examine myself each day and pray that I will live with the Spirit and the fruit given to me. The fruits of the spirit should be evident in all we do and say and are. If people were asked to list some character traits of me, I want them to first list all the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. I can honestly say I can't say all of these are part of who I am. I have my moments of inpatience and I have my days of depression and negative thinking and boy do I have plenty of days when I have no self-control. I am SO a work in progress but that is the beauty of it all. We are forgiven for our sins and our failures and are free to learn and grow so that we can be more and more closer to the perfection that is Jesus Christ. My prayer: Holy Spirit, Help our hearts to be gentle and to think before we speak so our influence may be used for your good purpose. Amen.

Preparations

I have been reading from the gospel of Luke. This morning I read chapter 14. I was a bit stumped by the message and had to read it over a few times until my brain really got going but I think the Lord finally got it thru to me. Jesus is talking about being disciples and how we have to give up everything and take up our cross to follow him. He gives two examples about the message, I think he is trying to get across. One is about someone who wants to build a tower and Jesus says won't he sit down and estimate the cost before getting started so he doesn't end up with a half built tower because he runs out of money. The other example is about a King who must go do battle with the enemy. Jesus says, won't he consider how many soldiers he has vs. how many he's going up against and realize he's out-matched so will send out a peace offering. So, in both of these examples it seems they are preparing for what is ahead of them so they will be ready for it. I think that Jesus is trying to say that we too must do the same to be his disciples. We have to prepare ourselves for what may come our way. So, my question now is how do we prepare ourselves to be disciples of Christ? It's funny how my action items that I have written just yesterday and my light bulb moment yesterday reading A Purpose Driven Life are really a big part of what I have read this morning in Luke 14. Prepare. By receiving God's Word, reading it, reflecting on it, remembering it. The more we prepare ourselves through His Word the better we are equipped to be disciples of Christ. Well, that makes a whole lot of sense. It's like a student who has a big test coming up in school. The better prepared you are for it the more equipped you will be and the more success you will have on that test. I want to be successful in my discipleship for Christ. I want to be an instrument for Him that will help others draw closer and having their own relationship with Christ. So, today I will look over my action items and start working on implementation. Our first calling or role in our lives should be as a disciple of Christ. It is something that I will have to pray for help on everyday as life and my other roles as wife, mother, sister, daughter, employee, neighbor, friend, etc. all pull at me. Lord help me to put you first and make my #1 mission each day to be your disciple. Amen.

Memory Verse of the week

Everyone who hears these words of minE and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. MATTHEW 7:24

A Purpose Driven Life

I found myself at work today and during my lunch break found I had forgotten to bring the book I have been reading I got from our church library called Joseph. Good fictional story about Joseph through the eyes of the women throughout his life. Anyways, I wanted something to read while I ate lunch and so I pulled out my copy of A Purpose Driven Life. I read chapter 24 on Transformed by the Truth. The five things we should be doing that will transform us and help us grow in Christ are recieving, reading, researching, remembering and reflecting on God's Word. I recently after a bible study discussion meeting decided I needed to make an effort to get back into reading my bible everyday. So, I have done that but after reading this chapter I can see how much more I can do. I have also recently felt this after worship service on Sunday when I tried to recall what the message was about the next Wednesday and couldn't remember a thing. I have really been missing the boat on reflecting on God's Word so I am doing an action item and will start journaling my thoughts and feelings and questions about my bible readings, bible study and worship message. I am also going to start back my one verse a week to memorize routine. My lunch break is over so I will have to come back to this. I will pick out a verse for this week and write it here. I think I will also start a listing of all the action items I decide to do to help me implement what I am learning from God's word.

Happy Birthday America

I find it a little saddening to be wishing America a happy birtday. She has come so far but the path she is on is not a good one. All I can do is what I can do and then pray that whatever comes our way in the days ahead that God will be there with us and guide and protect us. So, many of us take for granted what we have here but I don't think it will be long before we will be in the midst of chaos and possibly war right here. On the brighter side, we spent our holiday weekend doing family things together. First, we went to the Monument parade. It's the best home-time parade I have ever been to which is alot of them since I am from Souther CA where there is no home-town feel. Faith enjoyed all the candy being thrown out to the crowd of kids. I had lots of fun taking photos. I took a photo of a dad and his baby. My son thought it was creepy to take pictures of other people but I had to explain I was being a professional photographer not a family picture taker. I was hoping to get some photos of firewors on the 4th at the Air Force Academy show but we went, had dinner, did the bouncy houses and then it proceeded to rain and then to hail. It stopped for a while and we debated about leaving for about 10 minutes. My sopping wet pants and cold feet did me in and I made the decision for us to go to Blockbuster and then home. As we were leaving the lightening was starting and later on we heard it rained a lot more. We were very glad we decided to leave. We would have been miserable. I will pray that there will be a next year that we can try this all over again. On a super fun note, Faith got her first bike. She's not so fearful as in the past and is ready to conquer it and learn how to ride a bike. The bike needs some training wheels as she's just not there yet to go it alone. Tristan went this week on a day trip with the church to the Sand Dunes. He climbed all the way to the top. We have tried this before the last time we went as a family back when Faith was 2 and my leg was in a boot. I can tell you walking in sand is very hard. He was very tired which I totally expected. All in all the holiday weekend was a not break from reality of working but now it's time to get back to it. I am very thankful to God for allowing us to have this country and this land and I pray that each of us would not take it for granted but be willing and able to make sure we are going on the right path and work together to do it. Amen.

God really laid one on me!

The other night hubbie and I went to bed to watch another episode of True Blood, a series on HBO about Vampires who come out of the closet and live openly with humans. I like the story line but have been disturbed more and more about the sexual aspect of this series. It is HBO so they show and do just about whatever they want. The last scense still pops up into my head and I am disgusted with it. It was a scene of basically an outdoor orgie with all the people being called to do this by some evil woman in the center of this. I closed my eyes trying to go to sleep that night but that scene popped up in my head and I had to open my eyes to make it go away. I immediately started praying to God for help and forgiveness. We shouldn't be watching stuff like this, is what God has been trying to tell me and I finally got it BiG TIME! I just am not going to continue to watch something that goes against my beliefs. This was 4 day ago now and it's still bugging me. Lord, I pray for release from these feelings and courage to just not watch these kinds of shows. Amen.

I had a dream...

no really, literally! I had this dream where I was a photographer and we were celebrating the start of my new business. Well, when I woke up from this I was like why not? I have been looking into a few different things that I have always wanted or considered doing for a career. Where I am now is not a career of choice but more by the grace of God I have a job kind of thing. Anyways, I started researching being a family therapist. I talked to a couple of school sales rep's and learned how much it would take and how much it would cost. Yeah, not going to happen! Strike One. Then, I thought maybe I should look into Medical Transcription as it is something that could be done at home but upon researching that I realized you have to be a super good listener and typer and I really can't say those are my best quaulities so Strike Two but then I had this dream about being a photographer. I started researching it and realized this is something I could do without the need for formal education or a lot of money. So my first goal is to really learn everything I can about the very good digital camera that I have and practice, practice, practice. I got a book at the library that I have been reading to start learning all the lingo and everything else. I found a great site on-line that helps teach you and you can get into contest and such, good community of other photographers so I think I am off to a good start. I can go at the pace that is best so it doesn't screw with the rest of my life. It may take a couple of years to get to a place where I can say yes I am a professional photographer but that is the goal! I am so excited about it as it can add another dimension to my scrapbooking business as well. So, that is what has been consuming my time a lot lately. I am also working on stuff for my networking group that I have been President for the last year. We do not have a President Elect nor anyone willing or able to take on being President for next year so the board all voted I do it again. In the end I do think it will be better for the group to keep the consistency because I did make a lot of changes this year that were for the best but we have struggled to get more women coming and joining. I think the economy and the other FREE networking opporutunities just were hurting us so I made some changes and things are looking UP! It will be another great thing to put on my resume'. We are poor as heck right now because the child care for Faith is sucking me dry! We won't be eating any steak for the next month but somehow I just know we will survive. Maybe it's because at every other time the past where finance were super awful God stepped in and that little extra help was there to get us through it EVERY SINGLE TIME. God is so faithful so I am going to just have faith back in him that he will take care of it all. I am still considering a mission in finding out what love language each of my family members are and how to make a family album sharing this with everyone. I imagine it will come to me some morning as I wake up. That's my best brain time of day! I also thought I should write a children's book about a premature baby since I have never seen anything like it in the library. Something with animals as the characters and along the same story of how Faith came to be born and named. So, off I go to spend some time with Faith and get some errands done before my people come over for Project Playground. Yes, I will have crafting time with friends this afternoon. That makes me smile! :)

Things are never simple!

After having 6 days off from work and a wonderful vacation in San Diego with my Sister and her family, I am so wishing to go back to stay-at-home momhood. But reality is here and I have to pay the bills. Nothing can ever be simple it seems. I get a bill in the mail for over $1000 for an MRI I had done back in January for my shoulder. Well, it was approved by my insurance company to do and then they turn around and deny payment of it. What the #%&*! Insurance companies are a load of crap. I am just so annoyed by it all. Why do they have to waste my time to get this straightend out when they approved the stupid thing in the first place. My hubbie says they just normally do that but I say it's bullshit! So, I started the process of calling my doc and getting the approval code they were given and will have to deal with the insurance company on Monday. Nothing can ever be simple! But I got some, I think, good news yesterday from work. They are moving me down to the data processing department. I kinda saw this coming as they started me doing stuff for data processing before my vacation. I was working half day in compliance and half day in data processing. The good thing is I won't have to deal with the phone. I am a phoniphobic. Yes, there are lots and lots of people out there with this same issue. There is no reason why. I just am. So, I am happy about going somewhere more within my comfort zone although I will miss working directly with the ladies in compliance. I figure God wants me downstairs and around some other people right now for His reasons. I am going with the flow and will be learning lots of new stuff in the weeks ahead. No, nothing is ever simple but I am thankful that God has got my back.

A Mother's Pride

Yesterday was one of those days when I had this huge surge of pride for my son, Tristan. I had to take him to school because he had a large project made with toothpicks and marshmallows to carry in. We saw the students at the bus stop as we passed by and Faith made a comment about them being Tristan's friends. He said he was friends with some of them. Faith said something like you need to make friends with all of them. Tristan came back and said some of them were the "popular" kids. So, my interest really peaked at this point and I asked him why he didn't want to be friends with these "popular" kids. He said they would have a negative influence. Wow! I immediately told him what a smart choice he was making to stay away from kids that he considered negative influences. So, that's not the end of my day full of pride for my son. We went to his Spring Band Concert. He plays the clarinet and has since about 4th grade. I didn't know it, but as the band was playing their 3rd piece of music, I heard a clarinet playing solo. I couldn't see Tristan but the top of his head and so looked at all the other clarinet players trying to see who it was. I finally looked over at Nathan and he mouths to me, "it's him". Wow, AGAIN! He was playing so well and it was a lengthy solo, too. Then to make my day of pride complete, Tristan brings me his grade check sheet they for me to sign. This is something the students have to do every few weeks where they check what their grades are on-line, write them all down and the parents have to sign it. Well, he's doing it again! Straight A's for another quarter of work. This kid is making me so darn proud. He is just becoming a super awesome young man and I am so thankful to God for helping us guide him and blessing us with him. I love you Tristan!

DISCOVERING YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE AND OTHERS LOVE LANGUAGES

I have been re-reading the book God Speaks YOur Love Language by Gary Chapman and had such a pivital moment yesterday. I was at the YMCA at the pool. My daughter was swimming and I brought the book to read. I started going through the chapter that has the 5 love languages briefly described. I had been thinking my hubbie was Acts of Service but I got it wrong. He is quality time. The first thing it says is Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. I must have missed that the first time I read it or maybe it was because literally my hubbie said I just want you to give me your attention recently but now I know what he is. I also looked carefully at the other love languages. My daugher is quality time too! She was yelling at me from the pool to watch her and I realized she so just wants my undivided attention too. Now, I am not talking like every waking moment has to be given to them but when they are asking for it, that is when I really have to step up and give them the attention so they feel I do love them. I already discussed this with my sister and mom on our trip when I bought this book and we figured them out. Mom is gifts and Susan is quality time too. I think my Dad and Mary are both acts of service because they seem to do best only when you are in a crisis and need help. They are all over helping you but all that in between time I am not feeling the love. I am wondering about how you can do acts of service when you have live so far away from each other? That is something I will have to figure out so that they know that I love them. I want to be able to speak their love language. Mom already determined she thought Lyle is Physical Touch and I think Tristan is that too. He is such a hugger. Loves to give hugs. Now that he's a teenager I will have to find other ways of physical touch like high fives and pats on the back. You know how teenagers can get with hugging. I also came up with some questions that we probably ask God. Here's what I came up with for each love language:
Words of Affirmation: I can't hear you God. What are you trying to tell me?
Quaility Time: Where is God when I need him?
Gifts: What has God given me?
Acts of Service: What has God done for me?
Physcial Touch: Are you with me God?
Just some things we may be saying to ourselves when we aren't feeling God in our lives. I am Words of Affirmation so I know now that I feel God most when I am reading the bible, listening to a sermon and singing a worship song. I have to continue this later but had to get some of this out...

Love and Need

I had a conversation just the other day that came upon the concept that when people whose primary love language is acts of service, you are more likely to feel the from them when you are in a time of need. I think that the distance from our family contributes to a problem for those with acts of service as their primary love language. It's hard to do anything from 3 states away but the real core of the problem is that what's going on and our needs have to be communicated. They can't read our minds and know we need them. We have to say something, ask for help. I have a need for childcare this summer to offset the expensive childcare I have lined up already. I wanted to save a few hunderd dollars and decided it wouldn't hurt to ask my mom to come out for 2 weeks at the end of summer. So, I guess my point is that if you aren't feeling the love from a certain family member, talk to them about what you need even if it's could you just pray for me this coming week. Right now I need prayers for my big toe that is still hurting, my attitude to be positive at work, my communication with my husband to be the best it's ever been and that my husband and chidren know each and every day that I love them and God loves them. Is there something you need that I can help you with?

How God is portrayed on TV

My book reading has been very slow the last several days. Just a lot going on with the kids and stuff but one thing that has stayed with me that Gary Chapman said in his book is we should treat everyone like they are our friends. It makes sense because we seem to treat our friends the best and give our close family the brunt of our frustrations, anger, etc. The next two keys of giving authentic love are forgiveness and courtesy. Both of these seem to be more natural for me and not as much conscious effort needed to be that way. Okay, so let me get onto what I really want to talk about. I watched a show the other day on TV and was so frustrated and angry with how they portrayed God. In the show a lady was suddenly very happy after years of therapy that did not good and she said it was because she found God. It turns out she has a brain tumor and initially decides against doing the surgery because she would rather live out whatever days she will have left happy but the doctor who does not believe in God convinces her to do the surgery. One of the things she says is that any God that would allow you to go through this horrible kind of death is not a loving God or something to that effect. Well, that just ticked me off! Unfortunately, if you have never studied the bible and listened to sermons at church you really don't know what God is all about. He certainly isn't an unloving God that would just allow you to die of a brain tumor. I believe many people feel that God doesn't love them because he these bad things happen to people but the truth is God made us in his image because he wanted to love us not. If you think about it this way, a human father can love his dog but the love he has for his daughter is that much greater because she is a part of him. So that how it is for God. We are his children and we are a part of him. But when Adam and Eve committed that first sin, what they were doing was saying to God I don't need you, I can do this on my own. But God knew before it even happened what we would do because he made us this way. So, now we live in a world with sin instead of the perfect world in the garden of eden that God initially created for us. Yes, bad things happen in this world and people die horrible deaths or live with pain or heartache but it is the world we created not God. If we all acknowledged our need for him and his love, our garden of eden would be here. God loves us so much that he gave his only son and watched him die a horrible death on the cross so that our sins could be atoned for. Believing in Jesus is God's way of bringing us back to him. When we believe the slate of sin is wiped clean and we are once again right with God. Anyways, I could go on and on but I have to get ready for church and go give thanks to my God and my Savior for loving me and caring enough about me to get me to turn and look at who they are. I am forever grateful not matter the turmoil in my life it took me to get there. God can change who you are! Don't fall into the trap that TV sets up. Look at the bible for yourself and find the truth.

Kindness can be done with Focus

Well, writing down all the kindness I saw and did didn't happen. I started off really good and thought I could just keep it all in my head. Do you know how hard it is to write down something everything you see it? Not going to happen but I did have kindness in the forethoughts of my mind all day and did a few things I wouldn't have done otherwise or may have just let the opportunities pass. The one that I was giddy over was actually helping my hubbie by prepping dinner for him a bit. It was as simple as getting out the box, reading the instructions and getting a pot of water ready for the evening to boil and the colander out in the sink. Not much but I was thrilled with myself and it felt SO good to do something for him and he noticed! It is all about the little things! I have realized how I have really had so many opportunities throughout our marriage and I have made excuses for not doing them. For example, for years he wanted me to hang his shirts in a particular way. I was so annoyed by it and always thought what difference does it make. Well, he now does our laundry so I don't have that chore to deal with but I realize I could have done it how he asked and been showing him that I love him by that simple act of doing something the way he really wanted it done. It really is all about the little things. So, I wonder what other little things I can do today to help someone and make them feel loved and cared for?

Love is what it is all about

I have made it through the first 3 chapters. The first 3 keys to having a good foundation to give authentic love. The first two totally reminded me of the verse from 1Corinthinans 13: 4-7 in the bible that most people have heard at one point or another usually at a wedding service. I decided to make it my memory verse for the month. I started memorizing verses again but doing it differently this time. Instead of printing the verse out a number of times and post all over the house, I write it down in a special spot for it in my planner that I designed. I think the act of writing down everyday helps memorize it a lot more. So, here's the verse for anyone that hasn't heard it:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, is is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Those first two are 2 of the keys, patience and kindness. In reading these chapters, I realize how very much I have to work on. I have patience but not all the time and kindness has a lot to do with doing something which I have found to be a thing I don't just do naturally. I often think too much instead of just doing and in the end I end up not doing anything. So, much to work on but as Gary Chapman puts in we are all in progress and have to have that kind of attitude with ourselves and each other. So, my goal today is kindness. I am going to write down all the acts of kindness I experience and do today as an exercise in helping me be more aware of it. Thanks to God for Gary and his writing and wisdom in helping all of us be better at loving.

Another Sleepless Night

This inevitably happens every month at a certain point in my cycle. I just can't sleep. My mind just won't shut off. Faith and I made our monthly trip to the library yesterday and I had to look and see what other books Gary Chapman has. I picked up one about the 7 keys to love. It's an expansion on his love language concept with these keys which from what I have read so far are the foundations of giving authentic love. I will be delving into it more and let you know what I discover. Sadly, we had to take our youngest cat, Streak, back to the adoption agency we got her from today. We broke the news that Streak was going to be going to a new home to Faith a couple of days ago and Streak has been locked up in the bathroom ever since. I came home from Las Vegas and my whole house just stank of cat urine. Thankfully, I don't believe she actually pee'd on the main floor but the recent rains have made the moisture in the basement increase and the smell comes back. We had hope we had gotten rid of it. Unfortunately, Streak as the vet put it, is a very fastidious cat. She likes her cat liter super clean. I do the best I can but we just couldn't let our house be run by this cat any longer. I think she will be happier in a home without other cats. It's been a sad day but we are going to pray that God will protect her and find her just the right home. I am going to do an act of service now and pretend to be a "Pet adopter" for my daughter and her friend, than I will read a little more, have some wine, make dinner, eat my yummy poundcake that is baking as I write and God willing fall asleep easily tonight!

Song in my Head

So Words of Affirmation is my love language and I am discovering all the aspects of how this kind of language works for me. One of those ways, is through music. I think most people enjoy music and even have favorite songs and artitist but for those of us that have Words of Affirmation as their primary love language music and the words in the music can penetrate deeply into our hearts on a very emotional level. I have been thinking about putting some of these song lyrics that really speak to me into a format I love, scrapbooking. I have done scrapbook pages on sermons so I thought, why not do one on a song that is really capturing my heart. I have had this song recently stuck in my head. I wake up in the middle of the night and find myself singing the words in my head. The song is by Mike's Chair? This is the first song I have heard from them so I don't know if it's a new music group but I can't get the song out of my head. Here's a bit of the words: Like a ranging sea, right in front of me, it will pull me in, bring me to my knees, let the waters rise, if you want them to, I will follow you, I will follow you. Singing this song and these words is a way of me loving God. I will, of course, have to get on iTunes and buy the song! So, do you have a song that keeps playing over and over in your head?

Discovery

It seems like everyday there is something new that I discover about myself, my world, my faith and everything in between. I began a more in depth discovery about love after a discussion with Nathan. I was not showing him the love he needed but in all honesty I thought I was. I had already briefly looked at the Five Love Languages book so I was familar with the concept so at that point I knew it was time to really delve into it further and figure out how to show my love not just to Nathan but everyone in my life. I ended up finding, I believe is the latest book by Gary Chapman called God Speaks Your Love Language. I have read through it once and am now going back and going through it again, highligthing, taking notes and answering the questions at the end of each chapter. So the first thing I had to figure out is what is my predominant love language. There are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Gifts and Physical Touch. I was a bit confused at first as I read through each one and it's examples and stories. I found myself thinking I was all of them. Of course, we are all of them but there is one that will be your predominant love language that you speak to others and it's the same language that you recieve the best. As Gary Chapman puts it, when you receive love in your love language your gas tank gets filled up. So, my mind let all of this simmer for a while and gradually it started coming to me all the different ways that I really feel the love the most and they all end up being Words of Affirmation. I am not a big talker and my communication skills are really NOT the best but Gary says there are many dialects in each love language so I am discovering my dialect is in writing and reading words. I feel more loved when it's put into writing and I give more love via the same mode. So, here I am... Starting this blog... About my journey with love and everything else that comes my way down the course of my life. I hope that it will help others, give insight to my family and friends about me and just be a way to express my love. I will be here most everyday so I hope you will come often and share my journey.